3 Life-Changing Ways to Deal with Loneliness as an Introvert

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Can Introverts get lonely?

She made friends like it was nothing. She had been there about a week before me because she came to our University from out of state.

And when I moved in, she’d already made friends with dorm mates from around our dorm. I never wondered if loneliness was an issue for her, she was always around people.

I hoped and prayed I’d have a good roommate experience in college, and man did God come through. We had a great experience rooming together that year.

But I was green with envy when I saw her having such a great time with her new friends, and I had none.

She always invited me because she was just a sweet person. But I rarely took her up on her offer because although she and I did jive, her friends, they didn’t pass my vibe check.

I didn’t trust them. And I knew I’d rather be alone than be around people I didn’t really feel comfortable around.

Many times she’d go home on the weekends so I’d be alone in my dorm room. Loneliness would hit me like a Mack track!

It can be such a strange thing, being an Introvert and being lonely at the same darn time.

It didn’t completely suck but it wasn’t very much fun, especially when it got cold and snowy during the Michigan winter.

You’re just kind of stuck in your dorm, especially since we weren’t allowed to have vehicles on campus our freshmen year.

Most of my time I spent studying, watching TV, or journaling and listening to music.

All by myself no more honey

It took me a while but eventually I made some friends my freshmen year, and it totally helped that loneliness to subside.

I finally found people I could relate to when I joined our campus Gospel choir. We’d travel to our gigs on the weekends and hang out together. It was awesome!

It did take some effort on my part, but I found that being around other people who understood me helped my overall well-being.

I felt happier, I had some great musical opportunities to look forward to, and these experiences were so fulfilling. They created memories that last a lifetime.

As an introvert, I can tell you that most of the time I don’t have a problem being alone.

I do love my own company. And I find that having a little quiet time to myself every day helps me like nobody’s business.

Life can get so crazy and hectic, especially as a toddler Mom and wife, those moments I’m able to steal away are golden.

It is in fact okay to be alone. But when being alone turns into being lonely, it’s time to take some action.

“Research has linked social isolation and loneliness to higher risks for a variety of physical and mental conditions: high blood pressure, heart disease, obesity, a weakened immune system, anxiety, depression, cognitive decline, Alzheimer’s disease…”

Realize that no man is an Island

Have you ever heard the saying “No man is an Island?” Meaning no one person is literally alone and needs no one.

“No man is an island entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent ~John Donne

Even Introverts need people.

I know, I know, many Introverts have told me they don’t like people.

But I honestly think it’s that we feel misunderstood by most people, so many Introverts will say they don’t like them.

Because who likes to feel misunderstood? Who likes to feel like nobody gets you?

People really have a hard time grasping the concept that we really do enjoy being alone with our own company. And we’re not sad if we’re not invited to festivities that involve socializing with tons of people we don’t know or feel comfortable around.

But I digress. Even though these things are true, after all is said and done, we still need people. It’s a basic human need, no matter how you slice it.

It’s not good to be literally alone in the world with literally no one to talk to, ever.

And this is coming from a complete introvert with a quiet temperament who is also highly sensitive.

Life can get hard sometimes, and going through things alone can be really difficult.

Who’s around you? Evaluate your relationships

Evaluate your relationships and figure out the ones that are trustworthy. Is there anyone in your life that you can trust?

Even family members, if not friends. It’s so important to have at least one person in your corner that you can talk to.

If you feel you have no friends, could there be a cousin, an aunt or uncle, a friend of the family? A co-worker even?

There has to be someone around you that you can connect with personally whom you can share your thoughts with.

It’s not always about friendships, although I know it’s tempting to get stuck there.

Friendships can be amazing and fulfilling, and they can also be heartbreaking and confusing. Especially for Introverts, because we feel so much more than the average person.

Many of us Innies just don’t have a ton of friends because genuinely connecting with people is so important to us. If you want to understand more about an Introvert’s wiring in the friendship department check this out.

With more understanding, wisdom and life experience you’ll learn the best way for you to navigate the friendship department of life, it comes with time.

It’s still a struggle for me but I haven’t given up on learning in the friendship area.

But I’ve been so blessed by a special Aunt in my life that I can talk to about any and everything. She’s talked me through some really rough times in my life.

She’s prayed for me, listened to me, counseled me. I’ve tried to thank her in many different ways because I’m so grateful for her in my life (and thankful my uncle made the best decision in his life when he chose to marry her *wink*).

Look around you, because it could be someone there whom you never thought you could have relationship with. They could just be waiting for you to accept an invitation they’ve sent, inviting you to have a chat some time.

Schedule time with a friend or loved one

If you don’t speak to them often, or if you think they lead a busy life, schedule time with your friends and or loved ones.

You don’t have to talk to these people every day, you could talk to them once or twice a month, or however often you need.

If you feel you don’t have time, make time. Find time. Just make it happen!

Hey did you know I wrote a book for introverts? Check it out here! It’s great if you’re having a hard time figuring out what’s good about being an introvert.