They Used to Tease Me and Call Me a Mute: A Guide for Introverts

What Does it Mean to Be An Introvert?

If you’re an introvert looking for a bit of practical advice, you’re in the right place.

As a life-long introvert, I decided to start being candid about my journey to self acceptance, and create a mini guide for introverts.

So, what qualifies me to be a voice for introverts?

Well, I used to get teased and called a mute.

I tried for years not to be a quiet introvert.

I’ve been quiet all my life. My whole. Entire. Life. It’s my natural temperament.

When I was a toddler, people would come to my Mom and ask her, “Does she talk? She’s so quiet does she ever talk?” And they would say it right in front of me like I couldn’t hear them saying it!

I heard people commenting on my temperament at 2, 3, and 4 years old. Even then I wondered why, and I wondered if there was something wrong with me because people always made so many comments about it. This definitely had an affect on me early on in life.

My parents did a great job of making sure my self esteem was always in tact, and I knew when to stand up for myself when I needed to.

But it did take time for me to start accepting myself as I was instead of trying to fit the mold society has set as normal… which is being extroverted and very vocal and social.

What is an Introvert?

If someone says these things to you pretty consistently, you may quite possibly be an introvert:

Why are you so quiet? Why are you so shy?

Don’t be shy! Don’t be quiet!

Can you talk? Do you ever talk?

Are you always this quiet?  You should talk more.

According to Merriam Webster’s Dictionary, an Introvert is:

one whose personality is characterized by introversion
especially : a reserved or shy person who enjoys spending time alone

It’s a pretty broad definition but that’s basically it in a nutshell!

We do tend to be shy (not always though) and like alone time.

Introverts need alone time because certain things cause us to feel drained and physically and mentally worn out.

Here are a few things that tend to drain introverts:

• loud noisy events
• crowds of people
• bright lights
• lots of talking or interaction with lots of people

Introvert vs. Extrovert

According to Merriam Webster’s Dictionary, an Extrovert is:

one whose personality is characterized by extroversion
broadly : a gregarious and unreserved person

Introverts and Extroverts are on quite opposite ends of the personality spectrum.  I wish I could say one is not better than the other, but society has deemed it better to be an extrovert than an introvert.

I say this from my own life experience.  I was constantly told not to be shy and reserved, while I saw people constantly rewarded for being vocal and outgoing.

Some say there are Ambiverts, who are both Introverted and Extroverted.  I don’t really have a viewpoint or opinion on that really.  I know what I am, and I can only speak for myself and the experience I’ve had in life practically since birth.

Growing Up as an Introvert

Elementary through high school is when kids would tease me and call me a mute.  They called me lots of other things like church girl, good girl, quiet girl.  But nothing bugged me more than being called a mute.

Something about it just stung me to my core.  It made feel like a weirdo.  A freak. A reject.

There was a group of boys in high school who thought it was funny to walk into the classroom and yell, “All the ugly people be quiet!” This was the absolute bane of my high school existence.  I already had all types of self esteem issues that involved my looks.

I’d think, now if I don’t say anything right at this very moment, I’m ugly? But I’m shy! I don’t have anything to say to anyone, and I really don’t want to! Obviously they did it to get a laugh.   But for a sensitive soul like me, it totally sucked.  Ugh, I used to hate that so much.

Looking back I don’t know if a day ever went by without someone asking me “Why are you so quiet?”  Like I finally had an answer to that question.  I’d always just shrug my shoulders and keep it moving.  I’d be thinking, “Why do you care?” or “Why do you think it’s okay to ask me that,” or “Because I want to be.”

But of course I’d never say it.

I would sit and envy the people who got in trouble for talking too much in class.  I’d sit in awe and wonder how you could be so comfortable with talking and talking and taaalking all through class.  How they’d never run out of things to say!  How comfortable they were with talking in front of the class and saying funny things that made everyone laugh.

Why Introverts Hate Small Talk

As an adult I started learning more about myself.  I knew I hated small talk, but I never knew why?

Introverts hate small talk because we value deep connections.

Small talk and impersonal chit-chat doesn’t mean much to an introvert.  And introverts value deep meaning and connection.

This was a light-bulb moment for me when I learned this!  This is why that’s been so difficult for me all my life!  Obviously when necessary I small talk away, I mean after all, every relationship starts that way.  It’s just been so freeing discovering why it bothers me sometimes, while others seem to enjoy it so much.

Susan Cain’s Book and other Resources for Introverts

Thankfully there are lots of new resources on introverts now that haven’t been available in the past.

One of the first people I came across who talked about being an introvert was Susan Cain.  Her book Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can’t Stop Talking  is awesome and opened up so much revelation to me.  Her Ted Talk is equally amazing when you hear the passion in her voice about this topic.

It was incredible to see someone speak on my behalf, and to actually have an advocate for something I’ve lived my whole life with.  For so long I felt misunderstood, and forced into being a certain way that I was never really comfortable with.

Even though life still pushes me into uncomfortable circumstances, at least I understand myself better now, and I don’t feel crazy like I used to sometimes.

There are so many other books on introverts that I want to read but haven’t gotten to them yet, here are a few I can’t wait to read:

The Introvert Advantage: How Quiet People Can Thrive in an Extrovert World

Introvert Power: Why Your Inner Life Is Your Hidden Strength

The Secret Lives of Introverts: Inside Our Hidden World

Definitely check Youtube for resources on introverts because I found a ton of them!  So many personal stories of people finding their way through life as an introvert.

Strengths of an Introvert

All my life it’s been frowned upon to be a quiet introvert.

I was a Business Major in college, and I learned it was nearly laughable to carry my natural temperament into a business setting.  Are you kidding???  I learned you need to be assertive, assertive, assertive!  Be vocal and bold, never be shy or quiet.  Present your ideas, be the group leader!  Be strong and loud!

Believe it or not,

It takes more strength to be true to who you are, than to conform to society’s standards.

Over the past few years I’ve started to dig more into what my strengths are as an introvert instead of viewing it like I shouldn’t be this way and I need to change. I feel like it’s gotten me way farther than rejecting who I naturally am.

By the way also, being an introvert doesn’t equal low self esteem.  It’s a personality trait with strengths and weaknesses, just as an extrovert.

Some of the strengths of an introvert are:

• Being able to deeply connect with the special people in our lives. We usually have a small tribe because we value quality over quantity.
• Being a great listener
• Thinking and focusing deeply and intently
• Great with one-on-one connection with people
• Deeply passionate about our convictions, so we make great leaders

Introvert Self Care

Recharge

Being around lots of people is soo draining for introverts!  Yes I enjoy it, but after a few hours (usually after around hour 3) I start shutting down.  I start to feel drained and I start getting quiet.  It just kind of happens naturally.  I’m not really contemplating or thinking, I’m really just tired, spent and I have nothing left to contribute after a while.

Introverts have lots of ways of recharging.  For most I would venture to say a lot of times it’ just spending some time alone.  After being around lots of people and noise for an extended period of time, sometimes all I want is a little peace and quiet.  I’ll sit and read, watch a funny YouTube video, or a funny show on TV.

Definitely don’t feel guilty for needing time to yourself.  It will usually refresh you and make you feel like a new person!

Other ways I like to recharge are

• journaling
• lighting one of my favorite candles
• having a cup of coffee or tea
• listen to music
• aromatherapy
• take a relaxing bath or shower with your favorite scented bubble bath, bath salts and shower gels

Have a creative outlet you love

Many creatives tend to be quiet and contemplative.  Some famous ones you may know of are Steve Jobs, Lady Gaga and Albert Einstein, there are so many!

Introverts are usually great in our creative outlets because we think deeply, so we create deeply.  There’s lot of meaning behind what we do.  So find one you like and try your hand at it for a while!  I’ve done many creative things besides music over the years.  (I’m a professional singer and musician, here’s my music page if you’re interested!  Music By Erica Johnson.)

Some hobbies I’ve done (and still do sometimes) are crocheting, drawing, painting and jewelry making.  There are so many things you can do to get your creative juices flowing!  Take a trip into Hobby Lobby or Michael’s, I can walk those isles forever!

Talk to loved ones

So people say you’re quiet?  It’s okay, talk to the people who are close to you!

It takes a long time for me to feel comfortable talking to new people.  When I meet someone new, I’ve learned I’m usually quiet because I’m reading them.  I’m trying to see if I sense genuineness, and if you are someone I can trust.

I really only have a close circle of friends, not very many acquaintances.  And it’s really okay!  (But there’s nothing wrong with having lots of acquaintances if you have them.  Nothing wrong with that at all.)

Talking to loved ones can be a great way to recharge and take a load off your mind.

Concluding thoughts on being an Introvert

I’m proud to say after countless class presentations, MANDATORY high school speech class with Ms. White, project presentations in college, singing in front of hundreds of people as an artist, I stand before you today… STILL AN INTROVERT.

A quiet, shy, introvert.  Ain’t it crazy?

And God made me a singer.  I use music and writing as my voice, hence the name of my blog!

If you made it to the end of this post, you are the real MVP,  thank you!!!

Do you know any introverts?  Does this help you understand them any better?

If you’re an introvert, what new things have you discovered about your self?

Back soon,

Erica

♥♥♥

For more on Introverts check out these posts:

4 Gifts an Introvert Wants to Give You

10 Fantastic Must-Know Spring Tips for Introverts

The Best Self-Care Tips & Ideas for Introvert Women

A Simple Guide for Introverts