Things Introverts Hate vs. Things Introverts Love
I attached my phone to my car vent phone mount, and clicked, “Go LIVE.”
It was my first time going “Live” on TikTok from my Erica Unmuted page, which is dedicated to Introverts.
I couldn’t believe I was finally trying it out!
I awkwardly fumbled through the “Live” and let my TT friends know it was my first one.
I asked if anyone had any questions I could answer on being an Introvert, or any advice I could give.
One of the first comments I got was “I hate being called anti-social.”
Immediately my heart sank. I felt for my new friend because I know that statement all too well.
I told them I used to feel that way a lot, especially in school. But that it got better after I began to accept myself and learn why I’m the way I am.
I got off the “Live” hoping I helped my Introvert friends feel heard and understood.
Have you ever wondered what Introverts love and what they hate?
Well I’ve compiled some common things here all in one place. Keep reading!
THINGS INTROVERTS HATE
When You Show Up to an Introvert’s House Unannounced
You can risk it… but we’re going to peek through the window first, and even after that we’re not opening the door.
In fact, we’re going to hide and be very quiet and hope and pray you didn’t see us peeking.
This all has to do with our need for preparation… but more on that later.
Introvert’s HATE Being Asked “Why are you so quiet?”
Just… please… don’t. Don’t ask an Introvert why they’re so quiet.
We hate it.
Being Told “You need to talk more” or We need to “Come out of our shell”
If you’ve never heard of the “Extrovert Ideal,” College Professor and Author Susan Cain coined the term to describe the fact that being an extrovert is the standard.
It’s equated as the “normal” personality type to have.
Anything outside of that is abnormal, and should be changed to fit the ideal, which is being extroverted.
In my book “Life as a Quiet Introvert,” I talk more in depth about where this idea actually came from. I could go on and on about this, but that’s why I wrote this book. Check it out!
Introvert’s Hate Conflict
I think it’s generally safe to say most people don’t love conflict. It’s uncomfortable and often can end up with one or both parties being hurt in some way.
Do you know why Introverts hate it? Mainly because many of us are empaths.
We feel your feelings. The problem is, we feel our feelings on top of your feelings, and it causes us to be extremely uncomfortable and it’s so completely draining.
Many Introverts just care way too much and it’s so stressful for us.
Peopling for Long Periods of Time
True Introverts are seldom (if ever) energized by people. People are almost always energy drainers for us.
It doesn’t mean we don’t like people, or don’t want to be around them. It’s just a characteristic of being an Introvert.
We have to moderate and manage the time we spend with people so as not to completely deplete our energy.
Small Talk, Chit Chat and Meaningless Conversations
Small talk and chit chat are so painful for Introverts.
Many times there’s no way to bypass this depending on the situation.
So we grin and bear it, and hope that we do a great job camouflaging our disdain so we don’t come off rude.
But yeah, we hate it.
Introverts + Phone = Meh
Have you ever heard an Introvert say they love talking on the phone? Probably not.
We do what we have to do and we’ll entertain it when absolutely necessary, however we’d really rather not.
Introverts Don’t Love Networking
Networking is a necessary evil for many of us who are entrepreneurs, self-starters, corporate individuals, but…. we hate it.
Yep. Introverts hate networking.
Remember that thing about small talk? It’s the inauthentic schmoozing that makes it such a miserable transaction.
Many Introverts are excellent actors, so you’d never know it!
Large Crowds of People
It’s not that we won’t ever be in a large crowd, it’s that they do wear on us rather quickly and pretty intensely.
It’s just a good thing to know about us.
Last Minute Changes to Plans
Change is a part of life, we all know this. But did you know that last minute changes to plans grind an Introvert’s gears? We hate that!
It get’s us all frazzled and out of sorts, like a train off it’s track. Why? It’s because of our need for preparation… more about that later though.
Lots of Noise Can Be Draining for Introverts
Obviously noise is a part of life, it can’t really be avoided.
However when there’s continuous, droning, loud noise, it can wear us out completely! That’s the kind of noise we hate.
Large Gatherings or Events
The larger the gathering, the longer it takes for Introverts to recover.
We need to take time to recharge after events and gatherings. It can take a day’s rest, or it could take weeks!
Being the Center of Attention
This may seem like a weird statement considering the fact that Introverts make great leaders and yep, even entertainers.
Lady Gaga, Rosa Parks, Bill Gates, Steven Spielberg, and Mark Zuckerberg are just a few well known Introverts who definitely are/were familiar with being the center of attention.
At our core, Introverts are extremely uncomfortable with being the center of attention.
But when it comes to our purpose, our passion, the things we’re good at that impact change in the world, we make a strong exception.
Not Being Invited (Even Though We May Not Come)
It’s true, many Introverts are notorious for not showing up, canceling or even actually coming and leaving early. BUT we still want to be invited.
We want you to know we love you, and we feel loved when you invite us. But we feel even more loved when you understand us, and you understand why we may not make it to every function.
A popular reason: we’re tired already. Which means we probably won’t talk very much. Which means you’re probably going to ask us why we’re so quiet (which we hate).
We just know ourselves, so sometimes it’s just best that we pull out and rest at home.
People Thinking We’re Stuck Up, Mean, Rude or Anti-Social
We hear you when you make those side comments about us, and we hate it.
You know, when you whisper to your friend “Is she stuck up?” or “What’s wrong with her? How come she’s so quiet.”
Or even people who have the unmitigated gall to ask us directly, “Are you anti-social or somethin?”
Just because we’re quiet doesn’t mean our ears don’t work.
And no, we’re not stuck up, rude, or anti. We’re just being ourselves and it makes you uncomfortable. That isn’t our problem though.
Introverts Hate Overthinking… But We Do it All the Time
Know what it’s like to overthink something every now and again?
Okay, now imagine what’s it’s like to do that on a consistent basis, anytime an awkward circumstance arises, or an issue or conflict comes up. We’re thinking about it.
And we’re thinking about that thing over, and over, and over again.
We’re thinking in our heads, we’re thinking out loud, we’re talking to you about it, and we’re asking you if you think we’re overthinking it (because deep down we know we are).
We’re thinking about different scenarios of how something may go if we make this choice or that choice.
One thing is for certain, by the time we make a true decision, we’re pretty set on it! So I guess that’s the one positive of all this overthinking we do.
People Thinking We Have Nothing to Say Because We’re Quiet
Think Introverts have nothing to say because we’re quiet? Think again.
We have plenty to say! We’re just not telling you about it.
People Thinking Introverts Need to Be “Fixed”
Extroverts are constantly celebrated, elevated, and they get all the attention because they’re loud and outspoken.
But just because the standard in society is to be an extrovert, it doesn’t mean it’s right.
Just because Introverts are different, doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with us.
We don’t need to be “fixed,” we’re just fine the way we are.
THINGS INTROVERTS LOVE
Recharging Our Social Battery
Introverts love to be able to recharge our social battery. This can be done is so many different ways, but being able to do it just makes us so happy.
Feeling drained and exhausted is no fun at all, and if left unchecked, it can wear on our bodies and immune systems.
It can cause us to be more susceptible and vulnerable to getting sick, which can cause even bigger problems.
So we need time to recharge; our lives (and happiness) depend on it.
Introverts Love Alone Time
Do you know the biggest energy drain for Introverts? People.
Yep, people.
Please don’t misunderstand, we love people. And we love to be around them, but they also drain us. It’s a very weird dynamic but it’s true.
This is why we absolutely need some type of time alone in order to function at our best.
We Love Our Hobbies!
I’ve had so many Introvert friends tell me how much they relate to having so many hobbies.
Listen, Introverts love their hobbies! Mmmkay? We’re not bored at home, EVA!
We have plenty to do to keep us busy.
Peace and Quiet
If I never had any quiet time, I’d be a wreck. It’s a necessity. Yep, we love peace and quiet.
There’s no way I could make it with constant noise all around me consistently 24/7.
Introverts need some time in our day that’s quiet in order to have a recharge in our battery.
Watching/Observing and Attention to Detail
Introverts are observant, it’s one of our gifts.
When you think we’re just being quiet, and you think we’re just a blank slate of nothingness, we’re watching.
We’re observing. We’re taking it all in.
We notice all the small details you never even saw. We see them all and we love that about ourselves.
Connecting With Nature
I can’t say I’m an outdoorsy person, but I do really love nature. I enjoy sitting in a park with a book, and sitting by a lake.
The ocean is probably my favorite place to be outside my home.
Many Introverts have a really intense connection with nature, and we feel a sense of peace when we’re in it.
Introverts Love Solo Activities
We don’t mind a group activity here and there, but trust and believe, we love going alone.
I’ll eat alone in a restaurant or coffee shop. I’ll go shopping alone, go for a drive alone, go to the movies alone.
Introverts love their own company.
Deep, Meaningful Conversations
Miss us with the chit chat, we can’t stand it. Find us with a deep, meaningful conversation.
We’re ready for the good stuff!
If you want to get Introverts to talk, ask us about the things we love, we won’t shut up!
Text an Introvert, Love an Introvert
I mean yes we’ll talk on the phone when we have to, but texting has opened up a new ease of conversation for Introverts like never before.
I used to feel guilty about texting when it was sort of new to do, but that was short lived! It’s now a new part of society so I’ve embraced it.
Now important stuff, obvs a phone call is still best, but never wonder if we’re good with texting. We’re good with it!
Cancelled Plans
You need to cancel and you thought we’d be upset about it so you’re trying to find the best way to let us down easy… don’t! We’re NEVER tripping about that. We’re good! I’m so serious!
Were we looking forward to it? ABSOLUTELY. Were we stressing about it? ABSOLUTELY.
I haven’t researched it, but there must be some type of chemical rush we get with cancelled plans because there’s such a relief we feel, even when we really wanted to go.
I’m not talking things like weddings and banquets, big milestone events being held for us or the people we love. I’m talking regular shmegular things.
Like a party where there will be people there that drain us, or a corporate lunch where there’ll be lots of schmoozing and chit chat. Those kinds of things.
There will be introverts who say they don’t care, any cancelled event makes them happy.
But for Introverts who are empaths, we care about people’s feelings a lot, so we’re not quite that nonchalant about any and everything. But you get the basic idea.
Many Introverts are Homebodies
There is nothing like being at home. Our space of peace and stillness.
A place that belongs to us and our close family. The people who really get us.
We can just turn off, unwind and destress. And we don’t have to put on an act for anyone anymore, we can just be our full selves with no judgement.
It’s nothing like looking forward to going home after a long day of peopling. Many Introverts are homebodies and love being at home.
Introverts Love to Think
Yes, Introverts do tend to overthink, which we hate. But we do just like thinking in general.
We think before we speak. We think before we act.
We think about you, way more that we talk to you.
We think about what we think you’re thinking about (this is where it can get to be too much).
We just love to think!
Coming Home to an Empty House, Unexpectedly
Even though we love our loved ones, our spouses, our kids… we absolutely love to come home to a quiet empty house.
Don’t get me wrong, opening the door and being warmly greeting by family is something we love and don’t take for granted.
But it’s such a treat coming home to a quiet house, and it’s something so peaceful about it after being out in the crazy world.
Being Allowed to Open Up in Our Own Time
It can take Introverts a really long time to open up to new people.
It could take anywhere from a couple weeks, to months or even longer for us to open up about certain things.
The more vulnerable the subject, the longer it takes. So it’s important for you to be patient with us.
Our Close Friends
Introverts may not have a ton of friends, but the ones we have, we love them so much.
Our close friends mean the world to us because we don’t open up to very many people.
So once we know we can trust you, and we open up to you, you’ve got us for life. We’re not going anywhere!
Introverts Love Being Prepared
Introverts love being prepared. We love making prior preparations to make sure things run as smoothly as possible.
Don’t call on us to do anything impromptu, we hate it!
For example, when you call on us to give an impromptu talk, we stumble on our words, we can’t think straight, we may not say all the things we really wanted to say because we didn’t have time to think about it. (Remember? We’re thinkers…)
Then after said impromptu speech, we sit down and think of all the things we wish we said, and overthink about all the reasons we could’ve been misunderstood because we said the wrong things, or didn’t say enough, or said too much.
Try to give Introverts as much prior preparation time as possible for things.
We will love you so much for it! And it shows that you love us too.
Conclusion of Loves vs. Hates for Introverts
Every Introvert has unique aversions, likes and passions. However I hope this gives you a general, practical understanding of some of the things Introverts love and hate.
Did I miss anything? Tell me in the comments!
For more on Introverts, check out these posts:
They Used to Tease Me and Call Me a Mute: A Guide for Introverts
How to Make New Friends as an Introvert
15 Ways to Recharge Your Energy as an Introvert
Things Introverts Hate vs. Things Introverts Love
