How Do You Decide if You Want to Go Do Something or Not?
I saw a question posed on Reddit from a new Introvert Mom of a toddler.
Her husband bought 2 tickets to a concert and wanted her to come along.
The problem was she just didn’t feel like going.
He hadn’t asked if she’d like to go prior to purchasing the tickets, he just kind of sprung it on her at the last minute, and she didn’t really care for the artist in concert. It was more so his favorite band.
So she was asking how do you decide if you really want to go do something or not?
Many of us can empathize with something like this, especially if the activity is something we know we typically do enjoy.
I couldn’t find the post again to post a response, but here are some pointers and tips I would give.
The Introvert Peopling Struggle
Introverts are unique in that being around people can be draining.
Not just people though. Events, loud noise, bright lights, large crowds.
We can be super excited about attending an event and ready to take it on. And just a quickly as we’re excited, our energy can be zapped immediately upon entry.
It all depends on our energy storage and how much we have in reserve.
For most of us, the more intense the event, the more draining it is. And then we desperately need to recharge after it’s over in order to function.
So add to that daily responsibilities of life, work, family, putting out the fires of situations that spring up that are beyond our control.
It all plays a part. I’ve talked about this a lot on this blog so just do a little look around for more on Introvert drain.
Now back to our Reddit question.
Tap into Your Previous Experiences
A few of the responders emphasized the fact that the OP (Original Poster) mentioned she generally enjoyed attending concerts.
I would definitely second that notion of following the previous experiences she’s had. It’s a great indication that this is something she’d enjoy, regardless of how she may feel.
Whether it’s physical or mental tiredness she’s experiencing, it can still be a great experience. It could be just the pick me up she needed.
It’s Okay to Go With the Flow, Even Though we Hate Last Minute Plans
It’s okay to accompany your spouse somewhere you don’t necessarily enjoy but you know they do. Depending on the event, of course.
Relationships are give and take, ya know that old cliché (but it’s true!)
Next time he can accompany you to a place he doesn’t enjoy 100%, but you do. Because ya know, he loves you and vice versa.
I know, I know, last minute plans really suck for us Innies. We hate them!
But it’s okay to take one for the team sometimes, especially if it’s a rare opportunity.
Introverts Need to Leave Home Sometimes
It can be difficult to tap into breaking away from home life, and especially leaving little ones. But it’s important to remember to take time for yourself.
Many of us Introverts are homebodies too, so that can make it even more challenging to leave home.
Let Significant Others and Friends Help
The OP’s Hubby might have had a bit of an ulterior motive with purchasing the concert tickets because he may feel it’d be good for her to have a change of scenery.
It could also be a chance to have some one on one time together away from the kids.
As Moms, Wives, Career women, we can get so tied up with the things we’re passionate about and responsible for, that we do have blind spots sometimes.
We can’t always see we need a break. So allowing friends and loved ones to remind us of this can be so helpful.
Communicate
As an aside, I would say make sure to communicate with Significant others about how they decided to purchase tickets without your knowledge.
I mean if it were a surprise just for her that’s one thing, but “surprise I bought us tickets to see my favorite band”, that’s kind of something different.
I’d make sure to communicate how you feel about it all if it’s something you don’t like.
Squeeze in Some Quiet Time
Before the event (if you decide to go) be sure to get in some quiet time. You need time where you can charge up alone as much as possible, so you’ll have a good amount of energy stored up beforehand.
Introvert drain is real, so we gotta use our tools to fight against it when it’s necessary.
Weigh the Pros and Cons
When it comes to decision making, one good thing to always include is weighing the pros and cons.
You can make a physical list or a mental list, whichever suits the situation best.
Make a list of the positive points, and a list of negative points. Which list is longer?
When things are just a bit too hazy to figure out which way to go, this method may seem trivial but it works!
For more on Introverts check out these posts:
How Introverts Recover from Large Social Gatherings Like Pros!
Am I an Introvert? An Eye-Opening Quiz!
Things Introverts Hate vs. Things Introverts Love
Hey, also, did you know I wrote a book just for you? It’s called Life as a Quiet Introvert, Learning, Accepting and Being Comfortable With Who You Are. Check it out here!
How do I Decide if I Should Go Do Something or Not?
Thanks.
You’re welcome!