Many introverts have a naturally quiet temperament. Not all, but many of us do. That can sometimes make it slightly challenging to make new friends. But it doesn’t have to be! Here are some tips to get you going on that path to new friendships!
Understanding Yourself
Before you can reach out to others, it’s important to understand who you are first. Make sure you discover your personality type.
It will help you connect better with people once you understand yourself, how you are and why. Check out my Guide for Introverts for more info on understanding yourself as an introvert.
Generally Introverts Don’t Have Tons of Friends
Friendship for Introverts is kind of complicated. Introverts thrive off of meaningful, deep connection. In that, it requires lots of one-on-one connection, time and thought given only to certain individuals in our lives.
Instead of spreading our energy out over connecting with tons and tons of people, innately introverts deplete most of our social energy and attention on just a few meaningful relationships.
One of the most important things to know as an introvert, is that many of us don’t have tons of friends. We have a small circle of close friendships we’ve developed over time. And there is nothing wrong with that.
If you are an outlier to the introvert regime in that you have tons of friends, that’s okay too! But that’s not usually the case.
Accepting Yourself
Self acceptance is so important! You’ve got to accept yourself for who you are, as it will get you much farther than forcing yourself to be like someone else.
That was a long hard lesson for me. But since I’ve learned that, it’s been so freeing! Learning about myself and why I’m the way I am has brought me so much more peace.
I used to try to force myself to be different, to talk more because people told me I should. But it never felt right.
I discovered I actually talk quite a lot! It’s just that I only talk a lot around certain people. And that’s totally okay!
Do You Have ANY Friends?
If the answer is yes, think about these friendships. Are they meaningful? Are they great friendships? Are they good people who inspire you to be a good person too?
If you already have friends, and you feel like you need MORE friends, ask yourself why?
Is it because someone you know has more friends than you, and you’re feeling envious? Do you think your life would be better with more friends? Are the friends you already have not great people to be around?
These are important things to think about. Oftentimes we think we need more friends, instead of nurturing the friendships we already have with the great people we already know!
Be honest with yourself and really hone in on where the desire is coming from. There’s nothing wrong with making new friends, just make sure you know your why. You could be overlooking some perfectly great friendships you can nurture.
HOW TO MAKE FRIENDS
Once you really understand who you are as an introvert, and you accept yourself for who you are, here are some tips to help you make new friends.
A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly – Proverbs 18:24, KJV
BE FRIENDLY
To make friends you have to be friendly! Use direct eye contact, smile and be kind!
Your smile is a messenger of your good will. Your smile brightens the lives of all who see it. ~ Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People
BE OPEN
Being open is all in your mind and thoughts. Hold thoughts like these in your mind:
- I give people my full attention when I talk to them
- People like me
- People like having me around
- I’m open to meeting new people
- I’m ready to make new connections
- I’m ready for something great to happen
Thinking thoughts like these will radiate positivity from you! It will cause your demeanor to be more welcoming and people will see you are open to new connections!
COMPLIMENT PEOPLE
Who doesn’t love compliments? Compliments are a great way to get people to open up to you. It can break that initial barrier of awkwardness.
I LOVE giving compliments to people. Saying something like, “I like your hair,” can make someone who wasn’t so sure about it that morning all of a sudden beam with a smile! A nice compliment can really bring a sparkle to someone’s day.
BE INTERESTED
You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you. ~ Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People
Be genuinely interested in other people. When you’re talking to them, say things like “tell me more about that,” or “That is amazing! What was that experience like?” These are questions that usually get people to open up and talk!
BE A GOOD LISTENER
Introverts are notorious for being good listeners. This is usually something we don’t have to work hard at, so use it to your advantage!
Always make the other person feel important ~ Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People
FIND GROUP ACTIVITIES YOU LOVE
Some great places to go meet new people are church, sports teams, work, school, exercise classes, even meet-up groups! There are all types of different places where people gather together for common reasons. After all, commonality is what brings people together!
PRAY
What better way to find new connections, than by talking to God! Did you know that he cares about your friendships? He cares about everything that concerns you. So go ahead and ask him to connect you to some amazing people!
Be specific in your prayers. Be open and honest with God about what you want. Trust that He hears you. Then when you’re out and about, be on the lookout for His answers to your prayers! This has worked for me time and time again.
TRUE STORY
I’ll never forget being a lonely college freshman. My roommate was a social butterfly who could make friends at the drop of a hat! She made friends immediately! Me on the other hand? It took me a few months.
I prayed specific prayers about friends. I asked God for friends with good character. Friends that were positive, happy and fun! Friends that loved Him just like I did.
I’d heard that our campus had a Gospel choir and I was immediately intrigued! I found out when rehearsals were, so I gathered up all the nerve I could muster, and I went to a rehearsal.
I thought the choir was amazing!
So I knew I’d be returning every week. Through making the decision to involve myself in something I already loved, I met some amazing people, and I made some amazing friends.
Do I have to go to parties and social events that I’m not comfortable with?
Sometimes, yes.
I know, as introverts it can be really easy to shy away from everything social. But there are times where you do have to step out of your zone just a bit. Just be selective.
If you find out information about a social event that you don’t feel comfortable with, don’t go. But if there’s nothing that makes your spidey senses go off, GO!
For example, I NEVER went to a college party. I already knew that wasn’t the environment for me. I’d heard and seen enough through my roommates and friends to know I wasn’t interested. So I never went to one, and I don’t regret it!
Now as a full blown adult, social events are a little different. I do have to attend lots of events as a singer, as well as banquets and other functions. But, as you get older, you start to get a lot more comfortable with yourself, and certain things just naturally get a little easier.
So in conclusion, you’ve got this! There are great new friends out there for you. Write me back and tell me about the new friendships you’ve made. ♥
If you’re like me and you like resources, check out How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. It’s a classic book full of practical advice on making friends and having a positive influence on people.
What are some of the ways you’ve made new friends as an introvert?
I hope you have an amazing day today, and every day
