Are you an introvert that struggles with Resting B*tch Face or RBF?
Recently I posted an article on facebook about how black women are introverts too. (Unfortunately the author has removed it.)
One of my friends commented and mentioned how people tell her to smile. This triggered something about me that I hadn’t thought of in a long time, and here is my reply to her:
…people used to always say I looked mean, i learned to have a constant smile and/ raise my brows in conversations in order to make people more comfortable around me. I stopped raising my brows cuz I didn’t want a permanent crease in my forehead
Crazy the things we do/experience in life
You okay? And other questions
The exchange with my friend online reminded me that I used to be so bothered by people constantly asking me if I was okay. Like a broken record, everywhere I went I got all these comments, every. Single. Day.
What’s wrong?
Are you mad?
Smile girl!
Why do you look so mean?
Are you okay?
Wash, rinse, repeat, wash, rinse, repeat.
Over, and over, and over again.
I mean, it happened every day, all day long.
It was driving me nuts!
The definition of insanity is constantly doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result.
I decided it was time to stop the insanity. *cue Susan Powter, the fitness guru from the 90s*
No longer would people say this to me, I had HAD it!
What RBF is, and sacrificing mine for the greater good
RBF is a term that’s used to describe a mean or sad looking face when it’s at rest. Yep, a natural mean mug.
It’s actually been scientifically researched, yes, it’s a real thing.
My turning point came when I decided I would change my resting facial expression.
Every single time someone engaged with me, whether in conversation, or even just a look my way, I would raise my brows and smile so I wouldn’t look like a serial killer.
So they’d know it was okay to converse with me.
They’d know I was indeed okay, and they didn’t need to ask me if I was.
I’ve done this for so many years now, and it’s something I’ve never really admitted to anyone until my response to my friend on my facebook post.
I, Erica Johnson, change my facial expression for the the good of humanity and more importantly, my sanity.
Isn’t that crazy?? The thought that I need to make other people feel comfortable by sacrificing my comfort.
I have to make an extra effort to be aware of how my natural state of RBF may be off putting to others.
In conclusion, this a possible solution
I don’t raise my brows as much as I used to, but definitely there’s almost always some sort of smile on my face.
After becoming a Licensed Esthetician I’ve learned how certain facial expressions cause wrinkles, so I try to be more aware of raising my brows.
If there’s a smile on my face, it’s usually there because I don’t want you to wonder if I’m okay or not.
I might be okay, and I might not be, even if I smile.
I do think this is a solution to consider that will help protect your peace. It’s obviously at your discretion whether you choose to do this or not, but I can tell you that it’s helped me.
You only get one face, and mine just happens to look a little mean when it’s at rest.
I’m okay, really!
What say ye? Do you have RBF? How do you cope with it?
Check out these related posts:
15 Ways to Recharge Your Energy as an Introvert
40 Creative Outlets and Hobbies for Introverts
Is Something Wrong With Me Being a Quiet Introvert?
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