There are 2 really important lessons I learned before my husband and I got married, and they have impacted my life in huge ways!
It was 2015, right before my hubby and I got engaged. Things were coming to a head in our relationship, and I was on my own journey of self discovery with God.
I knew a proposal was coming, but I didn’t know how soon, and I was ready to move forward in our relationship.
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The Turning Point
It was during this time that I read a series of 4 Life-Changing books. You can read all about these here! Christian Dating: A Simple Guide to Waiting on The One
One of the books I read was The Happiness Makeover by M.J. Ryan.
I don’t have a clue what lead me to this book, it had to be God. It taught me so much!
I can’t say I remember every single thing I learned from this book every time hubby and I go through something. But I can say they are the undercurrent now for every situation I encounter in our relationship, and even life in general.
Her book is chock full of wisdom! Here is one really great passage:
No one can make us feel anything. Our feelings may be in response to another person’s behavior, but the responsibility for them lies with us…. Happiness cannot be granted by one person to another. It is earned through our choosing to embrace all the beauty life has to offer and using all of who we are for a purpose we deem worthwhile. And that is something we do our ourselves.
~ MJ Ryan, The Happiness Makeover
This is not to say that hubby doesn’t or can’t make me happy. On the contrary, he makes me extraordinarily happy. My life is so blessed with him in it, and I thank God for him every day!
But it’s so important to be exposed to truths like this before marriage. I’ll get to the why in a sec.
Lesson 1: Find the Simple Joys in Life, and Indulge in Them Often
Finding the simple joys in life, and using them often is lesson number one.
Simple pleasures, indulged in frequently, are a key way to feel happy often.
~MJ Ryan, The Happiness Makeover
You need to have balance in your life and find joy within yourself. It’s important to identify these simple joys for your own well being. They are different for everyone. For example, here are a few of the simple joys in my life:
- drinking from my favorite pretty coffee mugs every morning
- singing
- cooking shows and funny videos
- eating off of a pretty plate
- shopping at the thrift store
- talking to God
- chocolate, tea or coffee with my favorite creamer
Making sure I experience at least one or two of these things daily has changed my life in big ways. I use these things to keep filling up my happiness tank on a daily basis. Which then helps me to spread happiness to everyone else around me. This way I’m not a miserable person, sucking the joy out of everyone I encounter instead.
I am a believer in Christ, so I do want to say I’m not downplaying the power of scripture to help us overcome in our daily lives. I simply want to provide practical advice you can apply every day along with prayer, meditation, other things most people already know.
I struggled for many years because I knew all the spiritual things to do like quoting and memorizing scriptures, but I didn’t know any natural, practical things I could do to keep me going every day. Things that would keep me in a good frame of mind and at peace with God and with myself.
Lesson 2: I’m the Source of My Own Happiness
This lesson can be a hard pill to swallow because it puts the weight of responsibility on our own shoulders, instead of placing it on someone else.
Weights are heavy, and no one wants to carry them. It’s so much easier to shove all that onto others. However that won’t lead to your own well-being, nor your own wholeness.
You can choose to not let things completely upset you and take you off course.
You can choose to engage in some of your simple joys, and keep pushing through life and pursuing purpose.
This way you can still be effective and be a powerful force and source of light to everyone you encounter in your life’s journey.
Happiness doesn’t come only from your significant other.
Of course my hubby makes me happy, I love him so much, and he is the answer to so many of my prayers.
But if I make him the ultimate source of my happiness, when he gets on my nerves or makes me upset, it has the potential to push me to a negative place. And therefore in turn, everyone I encounter would have to suffer due to my poor attitude. (And trust me, I get on his nerves and make him upset plenty!)
I had to know and learn I could still function because if I didn’t, it could cause some big problems in our marriage.
It’s my decision how I choose to handle my emotions and how to look at a situation.
No relationship is perfect, as there are no perfect people. It’s normal for couples to disagree sometimes.
I’m not saying you shouldn’t hold anyone accountable for how they make you feel, or for how they treat you. You should absolutely do that! (I’m also not condoning any type of abuse, be it mental, physical or otherwise. )
What I’m saying is after you’ve done that (held them accountable), what do you do with your feelings?
Are you going to hold onto them and let them drag you down?
Or are you going to process them, put things into perspective and use the tools you’ve learned to move you forward?
Ultimately nobody else can make you happy but you. You are responsible for your own happiness.
Now, by no means am I a pro at this. I’m still learning every single day. But thankfully I do have some tools in my arsenal to help me walk these things out. And I want to share the little bit that I know has helped me.
If you’re late to the party and are just now coming into learning about this, it’s okay! It’s not too late. Start implementing these changes today and I’m sure you will begin seeing a difference in yourself.
What lessons are you learning, or what lessons did you learn before you said “I do?” How did these lessons change you?
Wishing you so much love and happiness today, and every day,
